What's in my head

The Struggle is Real



“Don’t sweat the small stuff.”, they say. “Choose your battles.”, they say.

“Sure.”, I told myself, consciously understanding every sense of the word. Yet everyday I find myself struggling at almost anything that could poke my “stress center”. It’s like I feel like I have to deal with everything even when they are not my own problems.. especially if they involve the people closest to me-my family for example.

Ever since I moved back in my parents’ house, there is not a day that I wouldn’t find myself in complete nuisance over almost anything. I tell you, it’s not my preggy hormones acting up. There really is something wrong around here.

You see, I’m the girl who had a lot of burdens to bear and realized soon enough how to minimize things that bring chaos to my life, hence I am keen at “stress management”. Ergo, I plan ahead to make sure everything will flow smoothly.. Because if you know you can come up with the right outcome by following certain paths, why not take that path, right? But if things still don’t turn out as how I desired, it’s fine.. at least I did my part, I don’t have myself to blame. There are just some things we cannot control. And that is perfectly fine.

Going back to my daily stressors, everyday I would always be irritated by their imprudent habits and behavior. From being irresponsible about their health (I’m a health buff, so I try to remind them as much as possible to take good care of their health because you know why!), to being ignorant about the consequences of their life decisions to their future, and many more!

Why do I stress myself so bad about their problems? Because they  are my family.. and I love them. After all, one day, when all their ignorance backfired at them, I could never resist not to help them. So, their problems are my problems too. Maybe not right now, but in the future when these issues are already a full-blown catastrophe. And that is exactly what I’ve been avoiding to happen.

I’m not the “Let’s-just-cross-the-bridge-when-we-get-there-kind-of-person”. I’m not good at dealing with problems, i easily get stressed out and back down without ample support, that is why I am obsessed with stress management-to prevent problems from suddenly erupting.

Therefore, ignorance is my BIGGEST ENEMY. Sadly, that’s what I see in them every single day.. and I can’t be more affected. 😦

I don’t want to be labelled as a nagger. Oh boy do I hate having to repeat myself over and over to people who blatantly ignore my every single word. Ugh!

However, being a family.. i feel responsible for informing them of the things that can negatively affect their life in general. I just hope they take my constant nagging as a sign of CARE rather than being just a smart-ass.

So, this is my daily struggle.. I may not be able to control the people around me but at the very least I try my best to influence them.. So frustrating as it may seem, I just pray for them every single night for enlightenment. That maybe, one day they will wake up realizing the damaging effects of their ignorance BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.



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